T&T: Let your yes's be yes

Have you seen the new(er) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? I hope so, cause otherwise I'm gonna sound kinda weird right now. But anyways, there's a point in the movie where Mike Teevee is being obnoxious and is saying something to Willie Wonka, and Willie turns around and goes "MUMBLER!!!!!! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!" How is this relevant? Because I want to say this about six to twenty times an hour at work.

People mumble. Its a fact of life. I mumble sometimes, I know this. But one thing you have to realize is that with a headset I have lost the visual part of talking. I don't get to see your body language, or try and read your lips when you are talking (all of which help one to hear, ironically) so you have to speak very clearly.

Not too loud, but not quietly (please, not quietly), speak slowly, and enunciation. PLEASE! And always remember, for some reason speakers always face traffic, so I hear all the traffic as well as you speaking.

But I can live with mumblers, because after a few attempts I usually understand what you are ordering. Usually. However, whats up there with mumblers are people who just say yes. Why is this annoying? Shouldn't I like people who are agreeing to my upselling? Why am I not rejoicing? Let me tell you. So many times a conversation will go like this:

C: I'll have a sandwich, and a muffin, and a coffee.

Me: Would you like that as our specialty coffee?

C: Ya. And a bagel.

Me. Okay. So you have a sandwich, muffin, specialty coffee and a bagel correct?

C: Yes. They said yes. You see this. If you were there you would have heard it

Me: Okay. Have $12.50 (or whatever the total is) ready at the next window

Customer comes to the window

C: I'm sorry, what did I order?

Me: Sandwich, muffin, specialty coffee and a bagel?

C: No, I ordered a regular coffee.

Me: *mentally* AHRJRAPORIDASJFKLASNFJASDOIAFJSAKLDFHAFAFA!!!! You said yes. You said yes TWICE! ANFVALKSJFKLRSJUlk 

Me: *out loud, really sweetly* Oh, I'm sorry about that.

You know there is a saying (from the Bible) that says "Let your yes's be yes and your no's be no." Granted this is relating to telling testimonies and to not swear by anything. But I think it is also applicable in a drive-thru. Again it comes down to manners. You gotta listen. Cause if you say yes I'm going to punch in what you said yes to. Please don't just say yes as a filler, again I will punch it in. And if you don't understand what I am saying don't just say "yes" and continue, ask me to repeat myself. Trust me, I'll do the same to you.

Moral of the story: Let your yes's be yes and for goodness sake don't MUMBLE!!!!

Or even worse, don't mumble out a yes that is supposed to be a no.

The Girl Behind the Microphone

Down for the Count

We recently undated our debit machines at work and hallelujah for that. Our old ones were temperamental at best. If someone inserted their debit or credit card before the machines said to it would go "beep-beep-beep-beep-beep error error error error. Can't read card. Please swipe" so they swipe the card "beep-beep-beep-beep-beep error error error error. This is a chip card, please insert" Now try to get someone to follow the directions, "don't insert the card until the machine says to" "beep beep beep" "AAAAAAH"

But then, oh but then, in drive-thru you'd think I'd have it easiest because I take the card from the people, insert it (when the machine says to) and hands the machine over. Right? Right?

WRONG!

With our old machines the slightest speck of dust hitting the card and jolting it made the machine go "beep-beep-beep-beep-beep error error error error. Can't read card" Take out card "please don't insert before........aaaaah" However, to be nice it didn't do this ALL the time. The picky machine would pick the times it didn't want to work. And I figured it out. It only works in conditions it likes. The machine does not like:

• Getting wet
• Being too dry
• Getting too cold
• Getting too hot
• The wind
• Direct sunlight
• Indirect sunlight
• Starlight
• Moonlight
• Clouds
• Dust
• Children
• Dogs
• Cats
• People
• Working

And sometimes, if we were really lucky - like five times a week - the machine would just DIE! Would stop working, through up its invisible hands and go "Nope. Not gonna work. And you can't make me. Na-na-na-na-boo-boo" But we had our tricks. Unplugging it and plugging it back in usually worked to reset it. But about twice a month we called the technicians to really fix it.

But then, oh but glorious then, they got ride of our old useless always dead debits and gave us new ones! All was well in the land of fast food. It wasn't dying, you could insert the card whenever, the weather didn't effect it, NOTHING. It was wonderful. But like all good things it had to come to an end.

It was Friday. Friday's are busy. Here I was working away taking orders, paying one through and the customer goes "What's this doing?" and hands be back the machine. The machine was having a fit. So I send them to the next window to pay. Same with the next debit. So I do what has always worked, unplugged it, waited, plugged it back in. And at least this one has manners, it smiled at me. Literally. On the screen before it went to start up it showed (-: Cheeky little machinery.

So I've reset it. It should work.

Haha. No.

Reset it again. No such luck. Call the manager who also resets it. Still nothing. So, she calls the teckie people who tell her the NEW way to reset the machine (unplugging it is SOOOOO 2012. We don't do that no more). She does it, it works. YAY! Except she doesn't show me how to do it, because its a Friday, we are busy and she is needed in the store. But whatever, the debit is working, I shouldn't complain. And I won't.

At least, I won't until it dies again. Which, knowing the machines, will be on a stupid crazy day when everyone - and their dogs - will be paying debit.

The Girl Behind the Microphone.

And Your Little Dog Too

I have a confession. I'm not really a dog person. I'm really not. That's why as a kid I wanted to be a pediatrician, not a veterinarian  Alas, I will never be a pediatrician, I can stand needles.

Or blood.

Or coughing.

Or homework.

I hate homework.

I mean, I don't hate dogs, but I don't necessarily love them. Except for that stupid chihuahua that someone likes to tie up next to the speaker board. I hate that dog. But otherwise, they're fine. We had a German Sheppard Collie cross when I was a kid. I loved that dog. We had a Black Lab Collie cross that I hated too. I think it was the lab that killed my love of dogs. That dog was evil. But anyways, to the point of this post. I may not be a dog person, but I know lots of people who are. They all come through my drive-thru.

Seriously, everyone AND their dog will come through my drive threw.

And I do like some of their dogs. I wish we had dog treats to give out to them. I know of some drive-thru places that do, but we don't. There's this one lady who drives-thru at least once or twice a week and she has a German Sheppard Collie that is always wagging its tail and will always come to the side of the car I'm on, and lean its head out the window, as if begging me to pet it. Which I won't do because that is NOT food safe. But I do like her dog. And there are a few other docile big dogs that I don't mind. Its just that stupid chihuahua.....

And then there are the people who have their little tiny dogs. I don't see what the problem some "big dog people" have with little dogs. Little dogs are dogs too. But what DOES annoy me are the people who drive with them on their lap.

They pull up to my window and they have their dog on their knees, paws on the steering wheel, tongue out, tail a-wagging. All I can think is - that cannot be safe. And the drivers just reach around it, or half heartedly push the dog off their lap and only sigh when it jumps back on. More then one dog I thought was gonna jump out the window. But I mean really, its not safe for your dog to be on your lap while you are driving. It's not safe for you either. You can get specialty seat/leashes that use the seat belt to keep your Poochie safe. Please, for the love of not getting into an accident, please use one.

But I have to say my favourite FAVOURITE FAVOURITE time I have seen a dog was back in early summer I think. Or maybe spring. I just remember that it was a really sunny day out. So I had taken an order from someone who was mumbling (seriously, speak clearly,) and I waited until his little mini orange car came around the corner. In this tiny little car sat a big tough guy. You know, buzz cut, spends his time in the gym, has one of those tribal tattoo's around his upper arm, and then a solid tattoo on his lower arm. One of those. In a tiny little car, with a pit bull looking like dog. That was his saving grace right there, that it wasn't a little dog.

Anyways he gets to my window, and greats me with a grunt. Not a "hi" not a "hello" not even a "hey" just "uurgh." So I tell him his total and he ignores me as he looks for his wallet. But anyway he hands me the cash and as I'm counting it he explains that most of the breakfast sandwiches were for him and someone else, but the sausage patties he had ordered on their own were for his dog. Like he had to justify why he was just ordering sausage patties. I don't care.

But then, oooooooh but then. This tough guy, who doesn't look like his face knows HOW to smile, turns to his dog, grabs its head aggressively shakes/scrubs/pets it and in the MOST lovey-dovey-baby/animal-not-tough-guy-voice-at-all goes "who's getting a treat?!?! Who's getting a treat?!?!?! That's right you are. Yes you are. Oh yes you are."

Now, I'm trying not to laugh, because honestly the guy looks like he could break me in two. But his 'tough guy' image was blown right then. I hand him his change, telling him how much it was. He goes "uuurgh" and drives away. I then proceed to die of laughter. It made my day. Probably my whole week.

Now, all I need are dog treats in my little booth to hand out to dogs. I wish.

Til next time.

The Girl Behind the Microphone.

CWAC: Can I Have Your Baby?

I love my customers. I really do. But I love them in a platonic way, like one loves cats and babies. And my favourite customers are my regulars. I get to see them almost every day, or twice a day or more. Also, my store is located in the middle of an area that is highly populated with seniors.

So yesterday was day like most other days. I was taking orders in drive-thru, which we call booth because its located on the other end of the lobby in this tiny little room where your only interactions with people are the ones at the window. And in the odd breaks of cars I can escape into the lobby to clean it. That's my other job. So I both have regulars in the drive-thru and regulars inside. All of which I love platonicly, like cats and babies.

So yesterday I was cleaning the lobby and two of my favourite inside regulars were having coffee. So I say hi, ask how they are, they're doing good, and they ask me the same. And it all goes downhill from there, again.

Me: I'm doing good. A little tired, but I've had coffee so I'm good.
C1: Keeping out of trouble?
C2: Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you say, it's because of the baby? I heard you say "I'm tired. It's cause of the baby."
Me: Nope. No baby for me. Not for a long while.
C1: Why not?
Me: Cause I need a pretty ring and a husband to go with it before I'll have babies. Tis true.
C1: Why?
Me: Well, (this is not usually the place I discuss my mental thinkings of life, babies, husbands, but what the heck), I just don't want to bring a baby into a single parent household, or into an already broken family.
C1: So we could never have a baby together then?
Me: NO!

And then luckily for me my headset DINGed and I "had" to go take an order. Where I then hid out in my booth for a little while until they had left.

Now, I know this customer. I talk to him every day, I know he was joking. He's also old enough to be my grandfather so he knows that I know that he was joking. But still. There are just some things that one just does not joke about.

But I guess you could say I was saved by the bell.

The Girl Behind the Microphone.

T&T: Ignoring

Let me just start of by saying two things. One, I know you do not like being upsold to. And two, I can be kinda petty.

At my restaurant we have special coffees that we are always upselling, or suggestive selling. Upselling is suggesting or asking the customer if they want to get or upgrade something, that is usually more money, with their order. And we ask. Every order we ask. If I'm taking orders, I will ask. If someone else is taking orders I will be listening in and giving tips on HOW to upsell, encouraging them TO upsell, and reminding them when they didn't. To be fair, they would be doing the same to me.

Now, how do I know that you do not like to be upsold? I can read minds.

OK no, I can't read minds, really. I know because of one reason. You tell me, in one of two ways. A customer will either go: "No thank you" "Hell no" "Stop asking me" "No bleeping way" "Did I order that?" "Just what I ordered." All of these are responses I get from people. Did you notice that only one was polite. Ya I did too.

The other way people tell me they do not want the item I am upselling is by...NOT...telling me. They flat out ignore the question. This is where my pettiness comes in. You see, I am trapped in a tiny little room for eight hours a day listening to diesel engines, emergency sirens, crosswalk lights, barking dogs, traffic, mumblers, children ordering from the passenger seat, accents, and people yelling at me over the headset, sometimes all at the SAME TIME. So, if someone is going to be rude and not answer a question, I do try to let it slide. But I usually fail at that.

On the bright side, I'm usually nice in my pettiness. I can't say the same for others.

Now, there are three ways people usually ignore being upsold to. Silence, continuing on as if they didn't hear, and driving away. Here's how I deal with them (maybe this has been you...)

Silence
Me: Would you like to try our specialty coffee today?
Customer: ....................... Obviously if they don't answer, I'm gonna forget that I asked.
Me: I'm sorry I didn't hear that.
Customer: ......................
Me: I'm sorry, was that a specialty coffee?
Customer: NO! See, how hard was that?

Continuing
Me: Would you like to try a specialty coffee with your meal?
C: And I'll have a fish burger, and a large fries, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand an ice cream. To be honest maybe they really didn't hear.
Me: Okay. Sorry, but did you want the specialty coffee with your chicken meal?
C: What's my total? I don't know, you haven't answered my question
Me: I can't check until I know what drink you're having with the meal. Would you like to try a specialty coffee? I'm not lying, my till doesn't let me total an order until a drink is punched in, if I have a meal punched in.
C: No, coke. Again, not that hard.

Driving away
Now this one. This one is my personal favourite. Because the other two maybe, just maybe, the customer has not heard me. I mean the traffic is loud, their music is playing, it IS feasible they didn't hear. This one though, is just rude.

Me: And would you like to try a specialty coffee today? If I get the whole sentence out in this one I'm doing good.
C: *drives away* Okay, you wanna play like that.

I wait until they get to my window. Then, with the biggest sincere smile I have, and in the most understanding apologetic voice I have:

Me: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you're answer before you drove away. Was that the specialty coffee?

See, there really is no way around it. I know you do not like it. I personally sometimes don't like upselling either. But it's my job. Its what I get paid the small bucks for. If you don't like it, I would say eat at home - but the grocery store clerks upsell too. All I ask, is that when I upsell to you, that you just say "No" or "No thank you" in a calm voice that won't burst my eardrum. And not just ignore the question.

Oh, did I mention that I can read minds? But I'll cover that later.

The Girl Behind the Microphone.